My memory is a funny thing. Ask me what I ate yesterday or about something important that you think I should remember the details of, and I have to REALLY think about it- and maybe I’ll recall the answer. However, ask me about something stupid I did or a mistake I made and I can remember that just fine. Now, I don’t remember every little mistake everyone else has made, but I dwell on and remember MY OWN in great detail. I can actually still remember stupid things I said or did when I was a kid and to this day still feel guilty about them.
Why oh why does my brain feel the need to keep this information and toss out other information that I may need during my day? Do I really need to remember that birthday where I was showing everyone how high I could kick and ended up kicking my uncle in the face so hard it knocked his glasses off (he was just starting to lean over my little brother and apparently I hadn’t given myself enough room)? I doubt he even remembers it. There are so many instances where I’ve opened my big mouth and said something I now regret. I have this terrible habit of replaying them in my mind and still kick myself for it, although that moment in time is gone and I’m obviously the only one who cares.
If there is some pill or hypnotization therapy to keep me from beating myself up over things I can’t change, I’d line up for it in a heartbeat. Maybe I’m just looking at it from the wrong angle and instead of feeling guilty all over again when I think about my mistakes I should change course and think of good things I’ve done. Maybe I need to figure out how to forgive myself? Striving to be perfect in all things ALL the time is absolutely ridiculous and impossible so why am I so hard on myself?
*This post was part of a Blogging U assignment to write something expanding on a comment you had posted to another’s blog the day before. This post was inspired by a lovely blog by Embrace The Chaos that you can find here http://crystalgoodhall.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/i-forgot-the-turkey-pepperoni-and-other-mortal-sins-of-marriage/